i love these shoes. they are so fabulous.

i am more fabulous for having looked at them, and so are you.

the joy i get from viewing these shoes can only be compared to, say, the joy viewing the new ugly haircut of a disliked coworker.

(not that that happened, or anything)

as we all know, i turned 25 fairly recently.

and if there is one thing i learned from my grandmother, it is that proper skin care comes first.

(i'm going somewhere with this, i promise)

i have been using facial moisterizer daily since i was 18 years old. i started off with Oil of Olay, moved onto Ponds until recently and then switched to Nivea Simply Glowing about a year ago



(which i totally reccomend. it really does give you a warm peachy glow)

but that bottle is nearly empty. and the wrinkles, they are a-callin' my name.

it is time to Get Serious.

so i am looking for recomendations from all you lovely ladies. i want something with SPF, something with anti-wrinkle components and something that smells nice, and not like Old Lady Cream (you know what i am talking about!).

in return, i will tell you that i bought the most fabulous hand cream yesterday:

Gardener's Hand Repair



it makes your hands instantly so soft, it is not greasy, and it smells very fresh and pretty. i keep it on my desk at work and use it a few times a day. i found it in the Beauty/Bath section of TJ Maxx but i hear you can find it at Brooks too.

sometimes, a well placed office prank can relieve all kinds of stress

my coworker, P, is on vacation this week. he is a very anal person. a great guy, and i love working with him, but he is very nit-picky about his work.

which is fine!

anyway, P had to entrust some very important work to me in his absence. i knew he really would have prefered to do it himself (that way he knows it's done right) but he kind of trusts me, since i have helped him out in the past and the world did not end.

part of this work is setting up and printing out and mailing out Very Important Contracts that have to be set up in a Very Specific Way with Lots of Attention to Detail.

and the idea for a prank started when my computer (which is haunted, might i add, ever since a new hard drive was put in) was printing things all f'd up. even though the settings were the same as always, and the print preview looked normal, it would print the whole page in a 5 inch square section at the top of the paper.

kind of like this




helpful for contracts needed by elves, but not so much for me.

and then my other coworker G says "you know what would be funny? if you cut those out and sent them with a teeny pen and a magnifying glass."

and then the wheels of my mind began to turn.

so i did print out one set of 5 inch contracts, and cut them out, and left a set of them on Paul's desk with a note "all set!".

let's see how he reacts...

::::interlude between me and the fed ex man::::

me: good morning!

FedEx man: happy Thursday!!

me: it's not my birthday.

FedEx man: i said "THURSDAY" not "Birthday"

(it's going to be a looooooong day.)

so, i am trying a new finance tip that i found while researching what kind of credit card i am going to get.

(i do not have not had a credit card since December of 2003 when i used my college graduation money (all of it, sob!) to pay off my Platinum Citi bank card and CANCEL that expensive piece of plastic.

but i need one because my upcoming travel plans neccesitate it! i have enjoyed living off the grid for now, but the time has come to build me some credit.)

anyway, i am a terrible saver. i always have enough money to do whatever it is i want, but i have Not A Dime in the Bank.

so if i am going to have enough money to make this tax payment in August AND still go on fabulous trips this summer all the while still paying my rent, i am going to have to trick myself into saving.

this is the only way for me to do it, believe me.

so the trick i learned involves some serious trickery. i basically will fool myself into thinking i am getting an extra paycheck.

here's how it works (it only works if you get paid weekly)

i get paid every Wednesday, and by Wednesday afternoon i have already been to the bank and put that baby to work. but this time, i am going to wait until Thursday to deposit/cash my check (whatever the case may be)

and next week, I will wait until Friday, but it won't feel like I am waiting too long, because the previous week I had deposited it on Thursday. so i am really only waiting one extra day.

and then the week after that, I wait until Monday to deposit/cash the check

and then, in 2 weeks, i will have two full paychecks in my hand on Wednesday! the one from the week before, and the one from the current week!!!

(do you get it?)

so basically i am tricking myself into living off less, and saving a whole paycheck a month. and if i do that for three months then I will have enough to make my tax payment AND still get those fabulous Cole Haan sandals I have been eyeing, and go to Philly and Florida with Adam and all that fun stuff.

i will let you know how well this works out for me.

(and might i mention how Cole Haan now has the sass/class dichotomy down pat? seriously. this ain't yo mama's shoe store no more)

update on the tanning situation

this morning i was pleased with the overnight results, but they were not enough for me. i want to look tan. not fake dark tan, but not barely golden either.

so of course i reapplied after my morning shower ( i am tres impatient, you know)

and now, at 1:41PM i look truly tan. not orange, not yellow, but a nice, normal shade of tan.

someone even walked by my desk a few minutes ago and said "did you lay out on your lunch break?"

thats not bad for only two applications....

and supposedly once i reach my desired color (which is what i have now) i can only apply 1-2 times a week from now on.

so, L'oreal i salute you and your tanning products.

in the next few weeks, i may try the Neutrogena since so many people reccomended it :-)

Adventures in Self Tanning

you know, being pale is not my natural state.

(it really shouldn't be anyone's natural state)

i look alot like my mother, and she has gorgeous olive mediterranean skin. so i too should have gorgeous, olive mediterranean skin.

but alas, my father's last name is Stewart.

and so i am white

(and freckled, eek!)

not pasty frosting white, but you know, light peach white.

i do have the propensity to get VERY tan though. if you saw me in my lifeguarding summers you would hardly recognize me now. i was dark golden tan. i was Not Pale.

i was a bronze goddess.

but that time has long since passed. and since my father and my grandfather (with their Stewarty skin!)both were diagnosed with, and eventually beat, skin cancer...i really need to be a little more careful if i am not to be scabby and scarred in my old age

(and of course, to avoid crow's feet would be nice, too)

so i am seeking alternative means of tanning. which is not to say i will not be out in the sun, because i plan on being at the beach at every possible non-working moment this summer. but i will be kicking it with my new friend SPF 15.

goodbye SPF 4. it's been grand. :-(

which brings me back to the title of this post. i am a fan of mist on tanning, and plan on getting into that once the summer rolls into full swing. for now, i would like to me lightly tan. not like certain people in my office who are suddenly deep brown even though it has been above 60 degrees maybe once in the past month, and they vehemently deny ever being near a tanning bed. riiiiiight.

i am no stranger to sunless tanning lotions. my last adventure was 4 years ago and involved some tanning foam i found in the clearance bin at CVS, and me turning this color



you would think i would be turned off them for life, but one cannot live in fear because of one, bad, orange experience.

so i did my homework: i read up on different brands and the below item won me over with it's reasonable pricing ($9.99-$12.99) and the good reviews it one from testers on many websites.



so, tonight after dinner i took the requisite exfoliating shower, and with some help from a very obliging Adam in order to get my back and shoulders, i got myelf lightly coated in this pleasant smelling lotion.... i waited for 5 minutes to get dressed as instructed....and now 30 minutes later i am already a nice light tan color. not too dark...but like i sat out in the sun for an hour or two. and somehow managed not to freckle. (that's the best part!)

according to the directions, i am to apply daily until my "desired color" is achieved and then i am only to apply once or twice a week from there on.

i will keep you all abreast of my bronzing status. for now, i upgrade myself from Pale Person to Golden Girl.

i almost forgot the other best part of the weekend!


i am starting to get back into Lifetime movies again. I used to watch them religiously...at least 3-4 a week! but i have lately been busier in the after work hours and i have been seriously neglecting the Lifetime network.

not anymore though!

and, as though welcoming me back into the fold, they played two of my absolute FAVORITE movies this weekend:

1) Coed Call-Girl starring Miss Tori Spelling.



in this movie, Miss Spelling plays an innocent coed sucked into the seedy world of escort services because of her need to feel pretty, and her love for skanky pleather skirts.

and

2) Fifteen and Pregnant starring Miss Kirsten Dunst



in which Miss Dunst is both 15, and pregnant. her boyfriend ditches her, her sister runs away, she is nauseous, she is tired, and all she wants to know is "Will I ever be able to wear a bikini again?"

set your Tivos, ladies. these are on frequently and NOT to be missed.

trust me.

this weekend was a very good weekend.

first, i stayed in all night on friday to study for my statistics final exam and i am happy to report that i got an 89 on it, which leaves me with a B as my final grade in the class. so no more math for me, EVER again. (and yes, i said that when i graduated college but i really mean it this time!)

(and as a side note to people who may be considering taking classes for fun/further academic enrichment: stay far, far away from Saturday morning classes. yes, it is annoying to go to class after a full day at work during the week, but a Saturday morning class means only having one morning a week to sleep in, instead of two, it means not going out on Friday nights so you can be ready for class/exams and it means not being able to go away on weekends. we work hard during the week, and we deserve a full weekend to relax....my next class will definitely be a weeknight class.)

i am thinking of auditing an art history class next, just for fun. there aren't too many around here that happen at night, but i will keep checking things out. if you know of any good ones in the Boston area, let me know!

second of all, on my roster of fabulous things that happened this weekend, i got to spend some quality time with Andy in saturday night. he came over for beverages and then we went into the seaport district to visit Jill at her new/old job at the Blue Wave. she makes a mean dirty martini, let me tell you. we were there until after midnight, and then left for another Ashlee Simpson riddled ride home.

third, and perhaps most fantastic of all, i got some emails from my cousin Maia in Lebanon, and i spoke with my mom, and we will be making another trip to the "Paris of the Middle East" in June of 2006. this time i can only go for 2 weeks, instead of 3 (damn you, work!) but it will be fabulous nonetheless. Lili (ex Lebanese soap opera star/my mom's best friend) is having a new villa built for her family on the Jouniyan coast, and my cousin has just bought a new condo downtown so I will be staying with my cousin while my mom stays with Lili. i almost wish i didn't know we were going until later this fall, because the wait and anticipation will drive me nuts. but i am really excited nonetheless.

top 5 things i learned last night while having

jenny, jeannie and diana over for dinner:

1) protestants are really just slutty catholics.
2) two bottles of wine is NEVER enough.
3) a leftover chocolate easter bunny is always good to keep on
hand in case the need for s'mores arises
4) it's fun to dip your fingers in hot wax. repeatedly.
5) i never laugh more or harder than when i am with my Braintree girls

i am having such a goldilocks week when it comes to clothes shopping.

earlier this week i was at Macy's trying on fun springy skirts...



and nothing seemed to fit right. mostly the skirts i am used to fitting into were a teeny bit too big which is fine since i have somehow lost a pant size in the past month or so. but i couldn't make the next size down work right. it fit, but was not as flouncy as the bigger size. but the flouncier bigger size neccesitated a belt which is a no go with a fun springy skirt.

so then yesterday i went over to TJ Maxx as was again trying on skirts and this time everything i tried was a teeny bit too small. just enough to pinch. and when one must ask themselves "could i deal with this discomfort all day at work?" it is time to put the clothing item down and step away

(with shoes it is perfectly acceptable to be uncomfortable, but not as much with clothes. particularly bottoms)

so i was getting kind of hysterical. i need skirts. i have gone down about a size and in one store everything is too big and in the next store everything is too small. what is a skirt-less girl to do?

and then it hit me.

this week is that special week for me, and as far as i am concerned, i may as well pack it in and head to Muu-Muus-R-Us because i will not be slipping into anything cute until this time next week.





damn you, womanhood.

Mall Won't Allow Teens in Without Parents


so, the Pheasant Lane Mall will no longer allow teenagers under the age of 16 in without someone over 21/a parent accompanying them. supposedly there has been a big problem with large groups of skanky (from what i gather) teens who are hanging out and being disruptive instead of shopping.

at first, i was a little indignant about this. i mean, i was a teenager once. i spent MANY a friday and saturday night at the mall hanging out. Jenny and I even had our own bench (in between the candy store and Nine West) and our own song ("Wannabe", when it played in 5-7-9 the sales associates would be like "girls, your song is on!").

but i digress.

when i thought more about it, i have to say i agree with this new rule. first of all, as a teen mall rat, while i was doing alot of "hanging out" i was also doing alot of shopping. second of all, my friends and i were always well dressed and polite. the teens they mention in the article above are the EXACT kind of kids that annoy the frig out of me at the mall in my town. and to be honest, if those kinds of kids were trolling the malls when i was a kid, i would have GLADLY picked another mall to go to.

i know that they have emotional issues, and hormonal problems, and whatnot. but no one wants to be around a bunch of goth wannabes, singing Avril Lavigne at the top of their lungs and passing around a half full bottle of Grape Robbitussin. we don't want to witness a teenybopper mini drama between Slutty Girl in Poufy Skirt A and Slutty Girl in Pleather Pants B involving the exchange of f words and slaps while Annoying-White-Hat-Wearing-Red-Eye-Sporting-Boys C and D cheer you on.. Especially when we have other things on our minds like the shoe sale at Macy's.

and you know those BCBG sandals hardly ever go one sale.

two items of importance:

*there is a new frozen yogurt/ice ceam place right near my work that DELIVERS with only a $5 minimum.

* a new nail salon has opened up 2 doors down from my office that only chages $10 for a manicure and $20 for a pedicure!!

this summer is already shaping up to be pretty damn awesome.

now if i could just get a TAN already.....

so, i changed the look of the site a little.

i've been experimenting with MS Paint and dabbling in Photoshop (meaning i do all the work in MS Paint and then open it as a PSD to resize it and do the text....very high tech stuff (riiiiight))

it's kind of tedious, but i needed a change so there we have it.

give me a few props: i have NO idea what i am doing.

so, on sunday we went up to New Hampshire to celebrate Adam's mother's birthday. we had beautiful weather, good company, amaaaazing steaks and a fabulous time was had by all.

on the way home, we stopped for gas and Adam decided to get a car wash, since it only cost $1 when you filled your tank. so we drove up to the car wash entrance, into the track and waited. we of course began to make out, because what else does one do in a car wash? after about 4 or 5 minutes i realized that we were not moving.

"Hey, are we stuck?" i asked him.

"Huh? What the f*ck?" he said, looking all around us.

we were, in fact, stuck in the car wash.

he tried to back out but the track wouldn't let him, so he tried to pull forward and that was a no-go as well. "what are we gonna DO!" i whined. i was NOT looking forward to having to get out of the car in the middle of the car wash. those huge brushes look a little deadly if you ask me. plus i had a spankin' new blow-out to take care of!

thankfully afterabout 10 minutes of cursing and some expert moves, Adam was able to maneuver his car backwards without ruining the undercarriage.

and i think at this point, one would assume that we counted ourselves as lucky for escaping dry, and made our merry way home.

but noooooooooo.

Adam parked the car and ran into the gas station to demand his $1 back. instead, the attendant assured us that what happened was a fluke, and that if he would manually put us through the wash and we would NOT get stuck again.

"can we please just leave?" i asked him. "I will GIVE you a dollar".

"no, it's the principle!" he said.

and that is just how he is. my mom is the same way. if you pay for something, no matter how much you pay, you should expect to get it done right. if something is lacking in presentation or service, you send it back/ speak to management/get a free version of whatever it is you wanted.

so back in the car wash we go.

and guess what happens?

we get stuck in the exact same place. and what's cute is that Adam acts so surprised. like HOW could this happen to us!? even though it just did happen about 10 minutes earlier.

what is not so cute is he was about to go back into the gas station and fight again with the guy about his faulty car wash. luckily my death-look persuaded him to stay in the car, and call it a night.

so the moral of the story is two part

1)while making out in a car wash, take notice of if your car is moving or not.
2) if the car wash you are in breaks down in the middle, do not go back in a few moments later and hope for the best.

friday night i went to the Beer Summit with adam and george. the night started off somewhat on the wrong foot because 1) there was really bad traffic driving home from work and then 2) there was really bad traffic driving into Boston and then 3) we had to wait in line for about 15 minutes to get into the Summit even though we had tickets (they had ONE person checking IDs for the thousand people that were there!). once we got in, however, the night definitely started going in the right direction.

the Summit was at the Castle at the Park Plaza which also houses the steakhouse Smith and Wollensky's. and while it looks pretty fancy on the outside, it is like any other function hall on the inside. when we entered, we were given wristbands and a "tasting glass" (read: plastic cup) and let lose on the 50 or so brewery stands to sample until we couldn't see straight. there is no limit to how much you can "sample" so we tried pretty much everything that was in there (which accounts for why we ended up at the Foxy Lady later in the night, but that is a story for later) i am a big fan of the Paper City beers, especially the One Eared Monkey brew (it's peach flavored) and the Concord Grape Ale. both have light, fruity aftertastes but are not overpoweringly sweet.

they had some scantily clad girls in pink tank tops walking around, hawking lottery tickets. this was fine, only these girls came up to adam and george and ended up getting an earful from me! basically, we were all standing around a table talking, when the two girls come up in between george and adam and start talking to them and completely ignoring me. they didn't even look at me once!! i know they thought maybe the boys would be more impressed with their slutty tank tops, but what they didn't lnow is that adam and george are cheap, and i throw around my money like woah and would have been happy to donate some $$ if they had even deigned to look in my direction. instead, they flirted openly with my boyfriend and his friend, while i sipped my beer and waited. my time would come, i knew. so when solicting the boys proved fruitless (as i knew it would) they turned to me and began to talk. but of course, i wasn't having it.

"Excuse me" i interrupted them. "but is their a man in a slutty pink shirt that i can talk to? because you haven't even looked at me for the past 5 minutes.

"what?" both girls asked, all wide eyed.

i'm wondering if there is a man around here hawking tickets, because maybe he will pay a little attention to me before he asks me for money?"

(at this point adam and george are cringing)

"um, we were going to talk to you"

yeah, uh huh that's fine" as i turn to George and Adam and say "let's go drink!" and saunter off.

so after we had sampled everything, and i had bought some cigars for danielle and i, we decided to leave the Summit in search of even more classy entertainment: The Foxy Lady.

now i am not a fan of strip clubs. george loves them and is always trying to get adam to go and i am always kind of a beast about it. you know, pulling the "it's trashy!" card. however, i am a reasonable girl and i realize that i should actually experience something before i comment on it. and since i had never been to an American strip club (only ones in Paris and London), i decided that I would like to go, just to see what all the hype is about.

so we went (after being stuck in traffic for a LONG time due to some accident(s) on Rt 24, after getting screamed at by cops in megaphones, after driving in the brush next to the highway trying to get away) to the famed Foxy Lady.

here is my review: it is very expensive even for WOMEN which is unheard of in Euro strip clubs (admission = $15, and drinks start at $5 for water!), and the dancing is definitely sub par. it's really more wriggling than dancing. and there was nary a pole in sight. i had a good time mostly because i was such a novelty (the only non stripper girl there) and so people were nice to me. but all in all, it seems like alot of money spent for a sort of boring time.

maybe i have seen the Sopranos too many times and am jaded about clubs like this.

even Adam was kind of like "that was lame" and George fell asleep near the stage (to the outrage of the naked young lady dancing on it).

so we went home, gorged ourselves on ramen noodles and fell asleep to the flickering light of the Cosby Show on TV. and thanks to my $5 water, i wasn't even hungover the next day. so my venture to the strip club WAS good for something!

so, i am a whistler.

i whistle while i am the shower, i whistle while i am making dinner, i whistle at work.

i'm not too annoying about it. i just whistle little snatches from songs every now and then. half the time i don't even know what i'm whistling. it's practically subconcious.

and so this afternoon, i am organizing my files at my desk, whistling who knows what...and my boss stops short at my desk.

"what are you whistling?" she asks, and the way she is peering at me i can tell that she knows what it is.

i had to think for a minute since i wasn't even paying attention.

and then it hit me.

i was whistling that charming ditty "Put It In Your Mouth". i haven't even heard that song since my freshman year in college.

and so of course i reply to her "i don't know...i'm just whistlin'".

and she squints...like she is trying to think of what it is.

then it dawns on her.

"was that?......what i think it was?"

"i don't know! i'm really busy now! sorry!" and with that i turned back to my work.

i don't know what's worse, the fact that was whistling that song at work or the fact that my boss recognized the tune.

i guess this is a testament to my whistling talent.

and at least i wasn't singing it!

The Incredible Popeman

"Pope John Paul II is being reborn in a Colombian comic book as a superhero battling evil with an anti-Devil cape and special chastity pants"

Sacrilegious? yes.

Offensive to Some? probably

Hilarious? oh hell yes.

so, last night my brother Peter came over to watch the game and hang out with Adam and I. i spent a large portion of the night making dinner (my first foray into the world of lamb chops went excellently and i sincerely recommend them to anyone who can get over the fact that they are eating baby sheep), so that my boys could hang out and bond.

later in the night, the conversation turned to my brother's efforts to quit smoking. he smoked a pack day for years until recently. a throat cancer scare steered him into the smokeless world (it turned out he was just having muscle contractions in his throat because of acid reflux, ew). there is also a guy in my office trying to quit and both he and my brother talk about "triggers" when they talk about quitting. as in, what triggers you to smoke. for alot of people it is stress and in turn this makes you examine the question of what stresses you out?

as a semi-smoker, someone who smokes maybe a pack a week, i am at the mercy of my triggers since it is not a nictotine addiction that compels me to smoke.

as we talked about it last night, i realized that the only real source of stress in my life is not my parents, not money, not anything like that...

it's traffic.

(sad, i know!)

i spend about 2 hours a day on the road, and i smoke almost exclusively in my car, when i am stuck in traffic, or when i experience a sudden burst of road rage, or when i am running late for work and have something important due. and in fact i feel most comfortable having one hand on the wheel and one hand out the window flicking a cig.

for example: yesterday the traffic on Rt 128 South was so horrendous. i was stuck in the same place for about 35 minutes at a time. and there was no mention of any accidents, and indeed most of the traffic updates on various radio stations ignore Rt 128 South below the Mass Pike all together and dont even mention it (my entire commute is below the Mass Pike). so it is even more infuriating when you don't know WHY you are at a standstill for so long.

so of course out comes the pack of cigarettes, down go all my windows and the chain smoking begins.

so, it appears that if i didn't have this commute, i would smoke significantly less. in fact, i would most likely revert to my usual "social smoker" mode where i only smoke on weekends at parties.

so, it is not my fault. it is the road's fault.

and forget blaming Philip Morris, i'm looking at you Mass Highway Department!

and you thought your day was going by slowly....

one of my coworkers just walked by and gave me a strange look. i asked her what was up.

"were you wearing that shirt yesterday?" she asked

"um, NO!" i replied.

(wearing the same pants two days in a row is acceptable in EXTREME sitations (laundry day, hurricanes, if one is a waiter and wears only black pants)...but never a shirt, especially when it is a bold, floral print peasant style shirt that one would certainly remember from a mere 24 hours ago)

"my god!" she said "this day is going by so slowly that this morning already feels like yesterday!"

ain't that the truth.

this friday night, adam, george and i are going to the Boston Beer Summit. we bought our tickets last night and i think everyone who reads this blog and lives in Boston should go, too.

it's going to be FUN. plus $25 to sample beer from over 40 breweries ain't bad.

do it.

dear star market in auburndale,

i recently noticed that you have taken to employing crazy people.

now, this is fine with me because as an open minded person i have always believed that the mentally unwell deserve a chance to make it in the world, and if bagging groceries is the way to do so then so be it.

however, i am also aware of two kinds of crazy. harmless, muttering-under-your-breath-and-twitching crazy; and confrontational, wild and mean crazy. the latter is perhaps not the sort that should be employed in a place where human interaction is somewhat of a requisite.

i was waiting in line to use the self check out, as usual, since i only had a small basket of items and the express line was very long today. as i stepped up to the scanner i hear a voice "Hey, miss!".

i turn around...and see no one.

so i turn back to my produce. "Miss!! You!!" and suddenly the bagger from the next line over is next to me.

"Hey miss! are you trying to put me out of a job?"

"um, no", i said (not quite realizing the crazyness)

"yes you are. you want my job!" he said, narrowing his eyes, "you ALL of you want my job!" he motioned to the people using the scanners in front of mine.

"um, i don't want your job, i just don't want to wait in line." i said, in what i hoped was a nice, soothing, don't-stab me-voice.

so he YELLED; "well, how would you like to stock the shelves too? yes! how about that! you come with me and stock some shelves!!". and one of the cashiers, who i suspect was NOT crazy but just annoying said "You tell them, Larry!" so he began to continue his pontifications on the unfairness of using the self-checkout islands.

at this point, i was close to finishing my transaction so i just swiped my last few things, threw my money into the machine and basically ran out without my 17 cents change or my reciept.

all i have to say is i best not have left behind one of those really good "save $2.50 on your next Lean Cuisine" coupons that spit out when you spend over $20.

so in conclusion, Star Market. you employ crazy people. please stop.

thanks,
Sarah

excerpts from a Friday night at Fuji


me: i wish you could get free refills of wine
adam: you can't because of the blue laws
andy: them laws be makin' me blue.


andy: i love your hair! it's very Sarah Jessica Parker
me: i know! she is my muse!
adam: yeah i am!!! (his last name is Meuse, and he had only heard the last part of our converstaion, lol)

so, friday night we all went to Fuji to celebrate Chris's birthday. there were a ton of people there, many of whom i had not seen in a long while, so it was a fabulous time. i knew it was a going to be a good night when about 10 minutes into it, i had already laughed so hard that i was crying about 3 or 4 times. mostly because of andy's antics. i <3 him

then around 10:30 andy and i headed into the Boston to pick up the fabulous Miss Jill in the North End and then to meet Alicia at the Beerworks in Fenway. madness of course ensued as i drank my weight in pinot grigio, we made best friends (i think) with the manager who then must have comped most of our drinks since the bill was about 50% less than it should have been. i then led a revolt in the ladies' room to take over the more clean and better stocked mens' room.

(you might be interested to know that the vending machine in the ladies' room carries only tylenol and tampons whereas the one in the men's room carries only condoms and mints....so apparently all women do is get their periods and all men do is have sex. interesting)

and as we drove home, we blasted Ashlee and Mariah and sang along as loudly as we could. and i remember nothing about arriving home but i do know i woke up the next morning with my hand in a box of Berry Berry Kix which i was clutching to me as though it were my child.

and of course, waking up with the worst wine-induced hangover ever is bad enough, but when one must then attend a 4.5 hour Stats class, it is a distinctly new level of hell. i managed not to vomit though, and when i arrived home at 1PM i promptly went back to bed until 6PM. and since i was even then not adequately recovered, Adam and i ordered chinese food and watched Discovery Channel all night. i will tell you, those hermit crabs do NOT fuck around.

then the next morning saw an unprecedented level of activity from me. i awoke at 9AM and immediately did my taxes (you will be pleased to know that, while i owe a little more than i thought i would, i owe ALOT less (about $800 less) than my dad said i would. so, in his face.

then i vaccumed and wiped down my car, showered, ran errands at the Derby Street Shops, bought a fabulous new dress, came home and did lots of laundry, cleaned our room and organized my closet (i don't organize by color because frankly with my wardrobe it does not make sense (i really only wear black, blue and pink) so i organize by creating outfits and hanging each one on a hanger. for instance today i picked out a black and tan wrap dress that i had hung with a black 3/4 sleeve cardigan and tan scarf. it definitely makes it easier to pick out a complete outfit in my pre-coffee haze).

i then made for dinner a fantastic chicken meatball and pea soup that i found the recipe for in the Boston Globe Magazine last week. and i ddn't even think i liked peas! i highly reccomend it.

so all in all, this weekend i learned that 1) i really do love gay men and 2) i really do like peas!

i just had a Seinfeld moment

i was in the ladies' room for my mid-morning primping session, when a blonde woman came in (wearing a shade of flourescent lime that i have seen since 1989, but that is neither here nor there), to use the facilities. she came in, did what she had to do, and left quickly.

without washing her hands

now, i am not the neatest person. i leave dishes in the sink. i am not even a stickler for showering every day (especially when one is hungover and wakes up 30 minutes late for work). but the apres-banya washing of the hands is a non negotiable.

i had a brief flashback to 10th grade. i was in the girls' room with a few friends and one of them left the stall and annouced "i am just going to be a scrub today" and waltzed out into the locker room with pee hands. i have never looked at her the same since that moment.

so i was grossed out. but whatever, i don't even know this woman. besides, maybe she has some anti bacterial hand stuff back at her desk and will use it when she gets back to her office...so i walk back into my office a few moments later and there is Ms. Lime Shirt-Pee Hands sitting in the lobby.

"Can i help you?" i ask her.

she looks up at me "Hi, Sarah?"

"Yes...." i reply dubiously

she leaps to her feet and EXTENDS her hand to me "Hi I'm Tina, i came in last week to have you all look at our office products catalogs and you told me to come back next week?"

how do i avoid shaking her pee hands in this exchange? i decided to go with a half truth and rebuff her extended hand with a "i'm sorry my hands are wet, i just WASHED THEM" (unlike you, i wanted to add)

so she sat down, and whipped out her catalogs with her pee hands and i grudgungly looked over them, knowing full well that someone who cannot even wash their hands after using the bathroom, is not someone i want to rely on for copy paper.

do you ever completely zone out when you drive. and snap out of it several miles down the road to be like "jeez. what just happened in the last 10 minutes!"

i feel like i do this all the time. i will be driving, and then get lost in some thought. and suddenly i am home! or suddenly i "come to" in traffic and the end of a Matchbox 20 song is playing and you know that ish would never be on the radio had i been "with it".

i always wonder what would have happened if someone cut me off while i was zoning out. would i snap out of it? is the reason i zone out because nothing interesting happening on the road? or do things happen and by instinct i brake, switch lanes, whatever?

this morning it happened on the way to work. i was thinking about what i would do if i won big at Foxwoods this weekend, and which bag and pair of shoes i would immediately purchase...and suddenly it was like 8 exits later and i had no recollection of the last 17 miles.

and then i thought to myself, "this is dangerous! what can I do to make sure that I don't zone out like this anymore?"

so i'm going to buy those shoes and that bag regardless of if i win big or not. i mean, my safety and the safety of countless others is at risk!

this things i do for others. sheesh.

today has been a dark day for me.

you never think it will happen to you. you do everything right, you follow all the rules, and still devastation wreaks havoc.

i'm talking about my work computer of course. it crashed yesterday afternoon.

i was typing merrily away and all of a sudden my screen froze. unfazed, i did the old Ctrl Alt Delete dance and restarted my computer, only to be confronted with the thing that anyone who hasn't backed up their hard drive recently should dread to see

the blue screen of death.

this bright blue screen was staring at me, with a whole bunch of white text (none of which i could read) but i could pick out the words ERROR and FAILURE. i calmly rebooted.

again, the blue screen of death

i tried, naively, to reboot 3 or 4 times before i placed a frantic call to the tech guy who sucked his teeth when i described the horrible shade of blue my screen had turned. "this is not good. i'll have a guy come by tomorrow morning".

um tomorrow morning? it's 3PM now. what am i supposed to do for 2 hours without a computer?

it turns out i had my copy of Memoirs of a Geisha that i am currently re reading, so i pulled that out and relaxed with my book until the end of the day.

it was a very long two hours.

and then today the tech guy didn't actually show up until 10AM and then it was a big scene of hooking up diffferent lap tops, running different diagnostic tests, there was fancy talk of "ghosting" my desktop. it was all very thrilling especially since i couldn't do any of my work, and had no where to sit so i milled around the lobby for an hour or so, intermittenly reading and bothering waiting clients.

and now i am told that it is fixed FOR NOW. but could go at any moment. so with each line of data i enter, i must save immediately after.

that is a whole lot of saving.

my brand new hard drive is to arrive tomorrow, and will take a few hours to set up and get ready. and all i have to do is make sure my computer does not crash between now and that moment.

i'm sure blogging isn't hurting anything.

right?

a few months ago, i caught the nasty stomach bug that had been going around, and was getting physically sick every day and night at the sight of any kind of food or drink.

luckily one of my favorite sodas was the only thing that could see me through:



its like a slightly sweeter Orangina. very tasty. very soothing.

except now, i am healthy and i crave some of this orange goodness...and when i drink it, it SO reminds me of being violently ill that i become nauseous because of it!

ain't that a bitch!

i think i might have bitchy laundry etiquette.


in my apartment building, the laundry room only has one washer and one dryer. i suppose this is not too bad for a building that only has five apartments in it, but for someone like me who does laundry at the most popular times (after work, sunday afternoon, etc..) it does not seem like enough.

and i tend to put off laundry until the last possible moment. when it is do or die. when, if this load does not get done today, i will be going to work in PJs, and dirty PJs at that.

so yesterday i emptied out my huge laundry bag into the different sections (draws, bras and nightgowns/ darks/ and things i think-may-be dry-clean-only-but-am-too-lazy-to-actually-take to-a-drycleaner)

i own nothing white.

so i head downstairs with my first load and Miss Thing from the First Floor ( she is the only person in my building that i have never met, and she kind of scares me since her policeman boyfriend and her always have these really loud embarrasing fights that Adam and I can hear every word of) is already there, loading the washer item by item. so i exhale in that annoying, drawn out way, and turn on my heels to head back upstairs. i set the timer on the microwave for 25 minutes, because that is how long it takes for one load to wash and she had better be down there unloading when that buzzer rings.

so i head back down at the appropriate time and of course the load is done and she is not there, so i slam the dryer door a few times so she will hear me and know that i am waiting. apparently my slamming efforts do not work though, so i go to her apartment door, knock, and explain that her load is done and would she mind if i unloaded it into the dryer for her?

for some reason, she did not like this. not that i was relishing the fact of handling a stranger's wet underwear.

so she comes out and i watch her unload the washer and right when she is done i start loading my own while she is putting her own stuff in the dryer.

how annoying am i!?

the thing is, on sundays it is sink or swim as far as laundry is concerned. all 10 occupants of my building try and do a weeks worth of laundry and if you are not setting timers, tapping feet, and knocking on doors then you will be wearing ripped sweatpants to work on monday. so if i sacrifice my popularity in the building, at least i am doing so in clean pants.

Frank Perdue died today!




when i was little, i was kind of a worrier, and i used to become genuinely upset about what would happen when the perdue man died! who would take over? (this was before the introduction of the son in the commercials)

and now it has happened.

turns out, i don't care as much as i thought i would (at age 8).

RIP, though!

DISCLAIMER****DO NOT READ THIS ENTRY IF YOU HAVE NOT READ ANGELS AND DEMONS AND WANT TO READ IT****








so, the Pope is not doing well.

thank god i read Angels and Demons, so i know what happens next.

hopefully this camerlengo doesn't turn out to be the Pope's illegitimate son. that would f*ck everything up.

(sorry, i can be kind of sacreligious before my morning coffee)